


Perception

by onthighsbelongtotaemin



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Eventual Romance, M/M, Mild Smut, Romance, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 20:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12395931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthighsbelongtotaemin/pseuds/onthighsbelongtotaemin
Summary: “What do you see, Jinki?” he asks softly, eyes on the beauty before him.“Your highness?”“When you look out there, at the land & the trees & the mountains. What do you see?”“I see…all those things, your highness.”Taemin looks over then, looks at the face he admires & watches the bob of Jinki’s throat as he swallows. He watches Jinki watching the sun set & then turns toward the scenery again.





	Perception

**Author's Note:**

> My first contribution to Colorful World Fic Fest Round 3

“Another attendant gone,” Taemin remarks with a forced smile.  He stands beside Kibum with hands folded at his back & watches as yet another man hastens away from the royal grounds.  “This one lasted a full three months before abandoning their post.  One of the longest to date, yes?” 

Kibum merely sighs in response.

One of the royal secretaries, Kibum has been the liaison between the king & the prince, father & son for just over a year now, though it feels to Taemin as though he has known him always.  In that time, half a dozen attendants have arrived with a smile & polite bow only to depart with a grimace & cast down eyes, the figure now departing through the gate the most recent. 

“I will have to tell your father, I suppose.” 

Taemin laughs ruefully.

“I don’t actually enjoy burdening you with these sad messages,” he says in consolation.

“It’s not enough to stop you sending them, though,” the secretary is quick to point out. 

Taemin grimaces at the rebuke.

“Hardly my fault if the attendants assigned to me cannot attend to their duties.”  A little smile tugs at his lips & he chuckles at his own little joke as Kibum turns to him with an open glare.

“I will speak to the king today.  Another will be brought to you by the end of the week.  Until then, be kind to the servant boy.  He’s just a lad.” 

Another chuckle as he places a firm hand on Kibum’s shoulder, remembering the last time the boy & he were caught stealing sweets.

“Yoogeun will be safe with me, I swear.”

~

“Your highness, allow me to introduce to you Lee Jinki, your new attendant.”

Taemin looks up from the horse beneath the brush in his hand to see kind eyes & a bright smile, a bow that evidences years of training.

A deep voice, warm & strong, firmly declares, “Your highness” as the man stands back up. 

The prince’s eyes narrow as he appraises the other's appearance.  Clean shaven, broad shouldered, boots well-worn yet kept polished & in good shape.  Hair neatly shorn in stark contrast to his own that brushes against his jaw.  The smile, though, is what stands out the most.  Kind & unassuming. 

“A pleasure to meet you, Jinki.  Tell me, do you like horses?”  Kibum’s eyes widen & his lips purse.  Just as he begins to say, “Your highness,” he’s interrupted by a hearty laugh from Jinki who happily confirms that he does.

“Then,” the prince says with a forced smile, “let us go for a ride.”

 

The horses gallop deeper & deeper into the woods & to Taemin’s surprise, & slight annoyance, he has yet to shake Jinki from his trail.  The new attendant manages to keep pace despite his lack of familiarity with the terrain & it is only once they breach the forest that Taemin finally admits defeat. 

It is not that he wants Jinki to leave, they have barely met.  Rather, he wants to be in control of this one’s departure, a departure that could take days or months but will come in due time & sting as all the others had.  So many attendants growing distant & disappearing: Better to know why than to be left to wonder.

He dismounts & pats his horse, walking toward the cliff as his mare wanders away.  The sounds of Jinki’s boots stepping over bits of broken wood as he follows the prince crackle against the stillness of the field.  The mountains glow in the afternoon sun & the river sparkles below.

“You rode well, Jinki,” he says loud enough for the attendant to hear without needing to turn to him first.

“Thank you, your highness.  It was a very interesting journey.”

Puzzled, Taemin asks, “In what way?”

“I’ve never traveled this far into the forest, your highness.”

“And you find it… ‘interesting’ to be here?”  The stunning view lays before them both; he doesn’t understand how Jinki can settle on so bland a word.

“Yes, your highness.” 

The prince turns to him then finding the smile he bore when they met still gracing his lips.  He stands silently with crinkled eyes & Taemin watches a moment longer before turning back to the scene before them.  A few steps are taken forward, two more & he could step off into the ravine & be forgotten.  He knows; he’s counted many times.  Today he forgets that fact, too distracted by the attendant’s smile & easy manners to remember.

Today he thinks only of the beauty of the soil & foliage, the sunlight shining on all that surrounds him as he breathes deeply the warm air of a soft summer day.

 

Three weeks pass in a similar fashion, the burn of summer chilling to the sharp sting of autumn & leaves that grace the ground with the vibrancy of their colors.  More & more the prince races to his sanctuary, his attendant at his heels & silent by his side.  Occasionally he forgets that he’s not alone & stares down at the ravine for too long.  Those fewer & fewer days he turns back to find Jinki closer than usual, though still not quite beside him.  The attendant’s smile never wavers & his eyes remain kind.

When his tutor returns from holiday he does his best to avoid his instructions, too enamored now with the freedom of the trees & the wind against his cheeks, time spent alone & with Jinki.  Often, he finds that he can be persuaded to attend his studies by Jinki’s gentle chastisement & a promise of a reward if he behaves.  Taemin is grown, long past twenty, yet he smiles as a child & agrees to the terms, never disappointed by the rewards offered at the end of his session. 

There comes a day though when the world around him grows too loud & too heavy to be borne with his meager strength.  It is then that he breaks faith & leads his attendant away from their duties.  Jinki stands silent behind him as he sits on the grass, legs bent with his arms folded over his knees & he stares, himself silent, at the world he dreams of.

~

Jinki swallows beneath a piercing stare as he prepares for the inevitable.  He stands in a dark room with a brick wall before him, a dirty window to his left with thin streaks of sunlight pouring through, & cold gray cement beneath his bare feet.  A man stands to his right, a guard to the right of them.  A bench of wood well-worn bridges the gap between the bricks & himself & it is there that he fixes his gaze.

An attendant to the prince means certain responsibilities & he knew when he accepted the role more than a month ago, that this would be one of them; a reminder that failure of the prince to obey would have consequences & that he alone would bear them.

However, in such a brief time as they had been together, he had seen the shadow in the prince’s gaze darken & dim & if this is the price to make more days of brightness for the man then he is willing to pay it.

“The prince was to attend a tutoring session this morning.”  The guard’s voice is rough, unfamiliar. 

Jinki nods once as he replies, “Yes, my lord.”

“The prince did not attend.”

Jinki keeps his eye on the wall of brick before him, focusing on the mismatch of color & the way the vibrancy of their reds & oranges is bound together by the dull of a pale gray.

“No, my lord.”

“You have so few tasks, Lee Jinki.  Assuring that the prince follows instructions is among them.”  There are more, greater tasks more pressing, he thinks as he nods again.

“Yes, my lord.”

“Do you accept responsibility for failing in this regard?” 

Jinki straightens his back & stares at the wall.

“Yes, my lord.”

“Then prepare for punishment.”  Jinki takes a deep breath as he begins to unlace his tunic, laying it gingerly over the wooden railing.  Bare now above the waist, he leans forward & grips the the railing worn soft beneath the palms & fingers of men such as he.  He breathes out, eyes focused on the brick & mortar.  The sting of the whip against his back burns in his eyes & he doesn’t bother to blink away the tear that slips down his cheek at the third & final strike.

~

 Three months later Taemin watches Jinki out of the corner of his eye as the attendant stands with the other servants at the far corner of the room.  His gaze should be focused on the princess in the golden gown sat across the table from him but his thoughts are too tightly wrapped around the look on Jinki’s face to even recognize that he’s being spoken to.  A kick to his shin grabs his attention & to his surprise & embarrassment he’s met with a calm smile & an inquiry as to whether he would enjoy a cup of tea, an elegant wrist leading to fingers that point at a servant standing beside them.

“No, thank you.”  The elderly man nods & moves on & the princess continues to smile.

“Perhaps we should start again.  Your name is?”  Taemin scoffs as he glances again at Jinki, now speaking with Kibum & nodding.

“We’ve been formally introduced, your highness,” he remarks.  “More than once.”

“Yes, I know.  I don’t think you remember my name, however.” 

Taemin’s mouth opens & then closes as he turns back to the woman beside him, the burn of his cheeks evidence of his slight.  The ebony curls resting on her shoulder are familiar & he’s seen that smile before, but she is right; her name is not remembered.  The princess’ calm smile now couples with a twinkle of amusement in her eye as she leans in & whispers, “I was giving you a chance to remedy that oversight with grace.”   

“Oh.  I… My name is Taemin, your highness.  It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.  Forgive me, your name is?”  A gentle laugh crinkles her eyes & she nods proudly.

“Well done, your highness.  Eunsook.  My name is Eunsook.”

~

Six months after they meet Taemin looks at Jinki fondly, thinking how it is that he can’t remember ever not knowing this man.  Or rather, he can but he chooses to pretend as though those days did not exist.  Because he is happy now, happier than he has been in years, happier than he ever knew he could be.  The depths of the ravine: He knows where his heart now lies.  Jinki’s raven hair & midnight eyes & the smile that rivals the sun in warmth.  There it is, he knows.  That is where his heart has taken shelter.

The birth of spring means more rides through the trees & the discovery, through Jinki’s direction, of two more nooks of seclusion with new views of unfamiliar mountains & fields.  He loses all thought & only feels as he stares in wonder, barely able to breathe as he takes it all in.  All of it, the scenes & the knowledge that Jinki has gifted them to him.  He turns back & tries to think of a word to say, a phrase, a token, anything.

“Thank you,” he settles on, a habit born of breeding that at this moment aids him adequately but not as much as he’d like.  It settles the debt for the moment & Jinki bows with a smile.  “Thank you,” Taemin whispers again, stepping forward but not to the edge, never counting how many steps would take him from this life to that. 

The next day is meant to be spent dining with the princess, the one who kicked him, the one whose name is now burned into his memory because she & her family visit more & more frequently.  He’s begun to notice the way his mother looks at Eunsook & the way his father smiles at hers & suspicions are beginning to mount.  In rebellion, he’s begun to hide, riding away in the early hours or the late, Jinki never far behind.  A hand he wants to hold, he’s discovered, but he shies away, too uncertain to take the risk.  After all, he’s never had anyone stay by his side this long. 

~

Jinki freezes when Kibum catches him, their eyes meeting in the faded glass of the tiny mirror in Jinki’s bathing chamber.  They stare at one another, Jinki’s breaths shallow as he waits for the secretary to speak.  He doesn’t.  Instead he takes the cloth from Jinki’s hand & begins to clean the wounds himself, bandaging with a proficiency that is neither kind nor unkind. 

They are fresh & many in number, the prince’s determination not to follow his orders leaving Jinki ordered to brace against soft wood & bear the punishment for the other’s disobedience more & more frequently.

Kibum works in silence.  At the end, he sighs & relays the message the cook had sent, that an extra plate waited warm for Jinki in the kitchen if he decided he’d like to go down & keep an old woman company.

“I think Gwiboon would enjoy your presence.”

“Please tell her that I am on my way.” 

Kibum nods once & then stands still, so quiet & unmoving that Jinki grows concerned.  As he opens his mouth to speak Kibum’s lips tighten into a thin line & he nods again before disappearing through the doorway, the main door to Jinki’s chamber clicking shut behind him.

~

“It’s warm enough!  I promise!  Come on!  Take off your clothes & come join me!” 

Taemin splashes around in the waves of the river, bare torso glistening in the early summer light.  Jinki is knee deep in the water with his pants rolled up & his tunic still on.  Taemin’s clothing lies strewn along the bank.

“I’m fine, your highness.  I prefer to remain dressed, if you will permit.” 

For the first time, Taemin detects a hesitancy in Jinki’s voice, a bit of something unfamiliar in his eye.  He stands up fully & lets the water push against his bare thighs.

“It is warm, Jinki.  I swear.”

“I trust your word, your highness.  It is only a preference.” 

The smile Jinki shines in his direction puts the disquiet that had begun to blossom in his mind to rest & he laughs.

“Well then, defend yourself & your clothes!” 

He takes three unsteady steps forward to splash as much of the river over his attendant as he can.  Jinki in turn screams a battle cry & attacks just as brutally, wave after wave drenching Taemin & he laughs so hard he begins to hiccup.  They both begin to laugh, Jinki pointing at the hapless prince with pure delight.  Suddenly he’s directly in front of the prince & Taemin gasps, starting to step back but caught by Jinki’s hand at his waist.  There’s no smile now, a blank face meets his eyes & he swallows at how faint he now feels.  A few moments pass with nothing but the river rushing between them & then Jinki’s smile returns & his hand disappears.

“There.  All better.” 

He’s three steps away before Taemin realizes that he’s speaking of the hiccups that have disappeared.  A racing heart, he thinks with a half-smile, might also be allayed by the same action.  Perhaps more.  The urge to ask for remedy is fought & instead he asks if Jinki is ready to head back.

“War always builds an appetite.”

“An excellent suggestion, your highness.  Time to battle our hunger.” 

Taemin chuckles as he waves Jinki away, pulling his tunic over his head himself.

“And drown our thirst.”

~

A year after he meets Jinki, & six months after he realizes that he’s in love with the man, his engagement to the princess with the calm smile is announced.  The only eyes he wants to see are hidden in the crowd of onlookers, though after a stern look from his father he stops searching.  A gentle pinch of his arm has his eyes turning to the woman he will marry who smiles gently & who he wishes he could hate.  It would make everything so much easier.

Taemin spends the week after the announcement in seclusion, refusing to leave unless it is with Jinki, anything that does not allow him to have the attendant at his side is dismissed out of hand, much to Kibum’s growing frustration.

The forest, the river, empty fields.  The quiet & Jinki: Everything he needs & nothing more.

~

“Do you accept responsibility, Lee Jinki?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Then prepare for punishment.” 

Jinki nods as he begins to unlace his tunic, the one he wears for days such as this, the one already stained.  The familiar railing is soft beneath his grip & he breathes out, eyes focused on the familiar brick & mortar, enfolded in the faith that again he will endure, silent as the strap burns against his flesh.

~

A kite in hand, a treat for the two of them this fine summer day, Taemin’s hand grasps the knob of Jinki's door, turning it easily as he calls out, “Jinki!  I-”

“Taemin, no!” 

The prince stumbles backwards, the door of his attendant slammed in his face.  A frown pulls down at his lips, surprise turning to confusion before twisting into frustration & he hesitates only seconds before twisting the knob again & storming in.

Jinki stands now with his back to him, the back he had glimpsed only moments before now covered by a dark gray tunic.  The attendant’s fingers are busy tying the laces across his chest & Taemin has stood in the room too long to not have been noticed yet he has still not looked up.

“Jinki.” 

He watches the attendant’s Adam’s apple bob & the faint outline of a smile as he turns & they face each other.

“Apologies, your highness.  I was startled.”

“Startled?  You-”

“A kite, your highness?”  Jinki interrupts with a tone that is too calm for the way he briefly shivers.  And the way his eyes burn with trepidation.

“Yes,” Taemin murmurs, unsure what to say, unsure of what he has seen.  Jinki seems eager for them both to leave so he nods & leads them to the doorway, leads them down the stairs & out the door.

 The day is spent in wonderment & delight, their kite flying high & free & their laughter dancing in the wind.  Three times Taemin catches himself watching Jinki’s face, remembering & wondering.  He leaves it alone because he isn’t sure & because Jinki never mentions it again.

 

The next morning the wounds are too fresh for Jinki to hide.  Too many days in a row have been spent by Taemin’s side as he dismissed Kibum’s itineraries & fled to the fields, reminders of which now lie in various stages of healing across his back.  A stumble has him flinching beneath a tunic that slowly colors in a way that has Taemin swallowing back bile & rage.

“Who has done this to you?” he demands as he crosses the room, fingers brushing against the edges of the stains in the fabric, frowning when Jinki steps away.

“It is nothing, your highness.  A careless step.  With your permission, I will leave & return clean.”

 Taemin watches his face, the eyes that meet his & the lips that move to the edges of his teeth in a caricature of a smile that never reaches the depths of his midnight eyes.

“Of course.” 

No words are spoken as Jinki bows & Taemin turns so that the attendant may stand as he leaves, a quiet fury burning in his chest. 

 

When Jinki returns, it is with an apology & a smile that is suspiciously familiar, one that almost has Taemin believing that what he saw was born of imagination.  With him is Kibum who watches as Jinki moves to stand beside Taemin where he lies on a pale-yellow chaise.

“There is a gala tonight, your highness,” he proclaims.  “The king has requested your presence.” 

“No.”  The refusal is immediate, off-hand, a declaration made without thought because his mind had been made up before the request was made.

“The queen as well.”

There is an edge to Taemin’s tone as he repeats his refusal: “No.” 

The secretary sighs, glancing again at Jinki who remains at Taemin’s side.  A silent conversation is had between the two, one Taemin wouldn’t have caught had his eyes not been captivated by Jinki’s face.

“Princess Eunsook will be in attendance as well, your highness,” Kibum adds pointedly.

“My betrothed?” Taemin asks with a raised brow.

“Her parents, King Jonghyun & Queen Minjung as well.  They will be disappointed if you are not there, your highness.  They-” the words halt as the prince rises up & his gaze narrows.

“My answer is final, Kibum.”

Kibum pauses, the faintest flicker of a glare and a final glance at Jinki who watches passively from where he remains standing beside Taemin’s empty chair.

“Your highness,” he says with a bow before departing from the room.  The door closes behind him & Taemin blinks at it twice in the silence left in his wake.

“What would you like to do this evening, your highness?” comes the question no one else asks, warmed by Jinki’s golden voice.

“A ride through the forest to the edge of the hills,” he answers, swallowing thickly.  “That is what I would like to do.”  He turns, a bittersweet smile on his lips.  “Another chance at freedom before my fate is sealed.” 

Jinki nods as Taemin moves to his dressing stand, himself following two steps behind.  It’s his face that Taemin watches, the attendant’s eyes cast low as Jinki’s fingers begin to untie the laces of the prince’s jacket.  A beautiful man, Taemin has thought more than once.  Today his lips seem especially warm in color & the raven strands of his tightly cropped hair seem as though they would be soft beneath his fingers.  The tunic he wears shifts as he kneels to remove the prince’s shoes & Taemin’s eyes drop to the sharp collar bones now laid bare.

 Mere minutes pass though they feel an eternity.  Words are not crossing his mind, only fragments of impressions, all too vague to be molded into conversation & the only question that demands an answer has already been rebuffed.  Yet he cannot bring himself to order Jinki to revelation.  The riding boots Jinki presents are slowly stepped into & now that he is fully dressed he directs the attendant to meet with him at the stables in ten minutes, time enough for Jinki to prepare himself for riding.  Jinki bows his acknowledgment, back never turning to the prince as he leaves the room, closing the door with cast down eyes once he crosses the threshold into the hall.

Taemin waits a few moments longer, counting through the minutes he believes it will take for Jinki to reach his own chamber, how long it will take for his own clothes to be removed.  Carefully, he creeps open the closed door, glancing up the hallway before moving swiftly down in the opposite direction.  Once at Jinki’s door he stops, hand in the air above the knob but not yet touching.  The need to know is too great, too strong & in a violation of what he believes to be Jinki’s rights, by his own hand the door opens the tiniest bit for the briefest moment before it is tucked back into place.  The prince’s boots now click down the stairs, heading to the stables.

 

Wind blows Taemin’s hair back & he breathes in the scent of mares, grass, & trees.  They’re galloping, their horses’ hooves pounding against the earth & making the most wonderful sound.  Everything is soothing & vibrant, the rush of being master of a beast & dependent on its favor all at once.  Traveling at inhuman speeds & breathing in the fragrance of freedom & the whisper of death.

Breaking their stride is an undesired but necessary task as they reach their destination, the thump of the horses’ hooves fading into the quiet.  The prince dismounts & lets the reigns fall, leaving his horse to wander in the bit of the open field in which they now stand.  The edge of the hills they’ve climbed look down into a ravine and up onto snow-capped mountains, nearly purple at their base & glowing now with the rays of a setting sun. 

He’s admiring the view, breathing in the crisp air & listening to to Jinki’s steps grow closer.  The attendant stands to the left & a little behind, waiting for instruction & keeping silent until spoken to.

“What do you see, Jinki?” he asks softly, eyes on the beauty before him.

“Your highness?” 

“When you look out there, at the land & the trees & the mountains.  What do you see?”

“I see…all those things, your highness.” 

Taemin looks over then, looks at the face he admires & watches the bob of Jinki’s throat as he swallows.  He watches Jinki watching the sun set & then turns toward the scenery again.

Questions tap at the back of his teeth.  He knows what he saw through the sliver of Jinki’s open door.  Scars, too many of them to be accidental.  Enough of them fresh for him to know that they were recently lain.  Enough of them faded to know that whatever, whoever has been causing them has been at it for a time too long.

He turns to Jinki & opens his mouth, demands sitting on his tongue to know who has dared to touch him in this fashion.  The look in Jinki’s eye shifts before he utters a word, a mixture of hope & fear.  The words are bitten back, swallowed whole.  The clench of his jaw aches at his temples as he turns back to the little strips of light fighting to maintain their place in the sky. 

 

The next morning Jinki arrives with Kibum & no new stains mark his clothes.  Kibum reminds Taemin that he has a tutoring session that morning.  With a faint smile but a familiar twinkle, Jinki adds, “Mr. Kim was quite adamant that you attend.  Apparently four courses disregarded this month has moved beyond an inconvenience to a point of pride with him.”

“No,” Taemin replies softly, thinking of Jinki’s back & the marks he has seen.  He dismisses Kibum whose lips are even thinner than ever as he leaves.  The patterns he saw have stoked a fire in his chest, one that kept him awake most of the night.  If he can keep Jinki near than he can keep him safe, no harm will befall him under the prince’s watchful eye.  No, he thinks, the day will not be spent sitting in a stuffy course room while an old man drones on.  Instead, he will gift him a day of freedom.  “Today we ride.”

 

The sky is black when they return.  At the declaration that he would now retire for the evening, Taemin watches Jinki’s fingers again undress & redress him, this time in a pair of silk pants that tie at the waist.  The sheets of his bed are then folded back & there is a warm smile on Jinki’s lips as he asks if there is anything else the prince would like.

Lying, he answers, “No, that is all.  Good evening, Jinki.”

“Your highness.”  He bows & then he departs, the doors clicking quietly behind him.  Taemin thinks of Jinki & the mountains as he slips beneath his sheets, eyes on the darkness of the canopy above.

 

Rapid knocking at his door an hour later has Taemin sitting up with a start.  Since the time of Jinki’s departure, he had done nothing but lie in the silence, ruminating.  His chamber is pitch dark, only a thin sliver of moonlight sneaking beneath heavy curtains providing any illumination.  Curious, he follows the streak across the cold wood floor with a frown, brow furrowing further when a sheaf of paper slips beneath the door.  He bends to pick it up before thinking better of it & swinging wide his door.  To his surprise Kibum, stands out in the hall.  Taemin’s indignation wanes a little at the sight of the familiar face.

“Kibum.”

“Your highness,” Kibum murmurs with a bow.

“What are you doing?” 

Kibum’s brow furrows, seemingly confused by the inquiry.

“Your highness?”

“At my door.  It is the middle of the night.”

“Answering your questions, your highness,” he answers slowly, as though the explanation were obvious & unnecessary. 

Taemin chuckles awkwardly, confused.

“No, of course.  I mean what-” Kibum’s gaze suddenly drops & Taemin’s follows, eyes now cast upon the ground & the sheaf of paper he had abandoned.  Looking back up, he’s again met with Kibum’s placid gaze & he frowns as he reaches down to pick up the sheaf.  The words inscribed in a familiar hand bend & break, unclear & sharp.

“What is this?” he asks angrily.

“Your highness?” 

The tone of confusion returns & Taemin’s empty hand curls into a fist.

“This,” he says, shoving the papers into Kibum’s face.  “What is this?”

“A document, your highness.” 

“Obviously,” Taemin answers, jaw clenching.  “But-”

“Forgive me, your highness,” Kibum interrupts with a slight bow.  “My duties have ended & I am expected back at the main palace before the end of the hour.  I beg your leave.”

“Kibum-”

“Perhaps,” he quickly adds, “Jinki may be of help, your highness.  He is just down the hall.”  A single brow raises as he gives the prince a knowing look. 

Taemin nods slowly, absorbing the depth of Kibum’s words & the meaning of his tone.

“Of course.  Good night, Kibum.”

“Your highness.” 

Taemin turns his back so that Kibum may turn to leave, eyes fixed on the paper that holds both his name & that of his servant’s.  The penalty that has been silently paid on his behalf is outlined in detail, a collection of dates he remembers clearly.  Without another thought, it flutters to the ground as he rushes down the hall, barefoot & in only the silk pants Jinki’s fingers had tied him into earlier that evening.

~

Jinki hisses at the sting of the ointment he applies himself, the worn wooden bench creaking gently beneath him.  Kibum had murmured an apology & left before anything much had been done, the usual care he showed in bandaging Jinki’s wounds lost in a distraction Jinki was in too much pain to question.  A damp towel rests in one hand to gently cleanse the marks as the other tenderly applies the ointment.  The small mirror of his washroom provides little reflection though it wouldn’t matter much either way because turning causes ripples of pain to wash up his back.  

Eyes closed, he attempts to feel where the marks are, to dab at them as gently as he can, to bandage his own wounds.  The sound of his door opening is lost in the focus on his task & he starts with a gasp when the towel in his hand is taken away.

“Don’t,” the voice behind him says, familiar & warm.  “Don’t move.” 

Jinki swallows & sits still, lets the hands of the prince move across his back as he attempts to catch his breath.  A flinch he cannot hide causes the touches to lighten, disappearing once they have covered every mark. 

And then there is silence.

Not even the sound of their breaths echo in the small space though Jinki can hear every inhalation of his own.

“Why did you never tell me?” 

The question is murmured, pain laced in the voice who broaches it & Jinki blinks as he breathes out.

“Your highness?”

“These are…”  A soft breeze blows over the marks as Taemin’s hand hovers above them.  “These should be mine.”

“No,” Jinki answers quickly, surely.  Another break in words, silence that is not still.

“Why?” 

“Your highness?” Jinki replies, frowning in confusion.

“Why would you allow this?” 

He swallows & wrestles with the flood of thoughts & emotions that pour through at the question.  Too much truth & not enough words.  His tongue is tied & left silent.  “Jinki.”

“For you,” tumbles over his lips, an explanation of everything.

“But-”

“I see the landscape, your highness.  I see the trees & the fields & the mountains.  I see it all.  You see more.  You see freedom.  You see life.  You see a world of beauty.  I would bear every wound anyone would give if it meant one more day of that for you.”

Taemin shifts behind him & Jinki closes his eyes.  He knows the way the prince is standing, knows without looking the sadness that now rests in his eyes.  In his mind’s eye, he can see the ways the other’s hands are folded so that he is staring at his open palms.  Knows that even now Taemin is thinking of a way to make what he believes to be a wrong right.

Jinki disagrees.  He is satisfied with his choice.  It was made long ago.

“These should be better attended.  A bath would do you well.”

“It is late, your highness, I do not think-”

“Come to my chamber, Jinki.” 

Jinki’s eyes open & his breaths grow shallow.

“Your highness?”

“I…please.” 

At that Jinki turns with a start, flinching & gasping at the sharp stab of pain.  Taemin reaches out, a hand at his shoulder & eyes frantically searching the wounds.

“The fresh ones are bleeding again.” 

The eyes move up to his own & again Taemin pleads with him to come.  “Please.” 

Another beat of his heart, & then another, a breath & then one more.

“Yes, your highness.”

~

Taemin fidgets with the faucets of his bath & tries not to think too hard about how Jinki sits a mere two arm lengths away wearing nothing but a towel about his waist.  And scars on his back that he has no right to.  A dollop of soap is added to the stream & clear bubbles blossom into a delicate bouquet over the ripples.  He brushes a hand against the water pouring out & once he’s satisfied that the heat is sufficiently safe for Jinki’s wounds he turns with a weak smile & a wave toward the bath.  Jinki glances at the tub & then back at him, not moving.  Taemin flushes & murmurs that he will be just outside.

The sound of water running drums in his ears & he’s breathing through pursed lips with his back against the door, listening to the subtle shift in sound as Jinki’s body slips into the bath.  A few minutes later the water stops, the loss of sound disorienting.  He thinks that he should do more, that perhaps Jinki should stay with him this night as he’ll need the wounds bandaged again.  And to be dressed in clothes that are not stained with blood.

The thoughts burst in & out & in the confusion the hand he hadn’t realized was resting on the door handle slips & he falls backwards into the bathing chamber.

“Oof!” he cries as his back hits the cold floor, barely keeping his head from following.  There is a loud splash followed by two footsteps & then Jinki is kneeling beside him, warm droplets falling from his fingertips onto Taemin’s arm.

“Are you alright, your highness?” 

Taemin’s eyes close.

“Get back in the bath, Jinki.” 

The reply is sharp because Jinki is too close, too undressed, too warm, & Taemin is too mortified.  A beat of silence is followed by the retreat of footsteps & he listens as Jinki slips back beneath the water.  As embarrassed as he is, Taemin does not move.  Instead, he lies on the floor & listens to the sound of the water settling around his attendant, eyes still closed as he thinks.

“Jinki?”

“Yes, your highness?”

“May I…would it be alright if…that is…” 

Both hands fall to his chest & he opens his eyes long enough to look up at the ceiling.  Again, they close.  Again, they open.

“Woulditbealrightifiwashedyourwounds?” 

There’s a pause followed by a very confused, “Your highness?”

“Uh…” 

The flush in Taemin’s chest & the numbness of his hands are making him dizzy.  He closes his eyes & sits up, opens them again as stands in the chance that Jinki says no.  A chance that will mean he will need to be able to quickly walk away.  Jinki is watching him, brows furrowed.

“Jinki?”

“Your highness?”

“May I wash your wounds?”

~

Jinki watches Taemin watching him & wonders if the beat of his heart is due to the heat of the bath or the look in the prince’s eye.  Or the sudden spark of hope.  The request is not a trick, not a ploy, nothing to fear by its being made other than where it may lead.

He has taken too many steps forward to take any back.

“Yes.  Your highness.”

~

Taemin nods firmly, glancing around the small room until he hears a splash of water & sees the cloth that Jinki now holds out for him.  He takes it, turning his hand so that their fingers brush together, looking up to meet Jinki’s anxious gaze with his own.  They’re breathing in tandem, he notes absently, shallow breaths as he moves to sit at the edge of the basin.

Until this moment he had forgotten his own lack of attire & the mark between where he now sits & where he could is so narrow that it makes his head spin.  The freshest wound has stopped bleeding though it is now darker from the water’s heat.  He wets the damp cloth with soap & then begins to gently dab at the ripped flesh.  The old wounds, the ones now thin & scarred do not go unnoticed.  Without thinking & without permission, he brushes against one with the hand not at work & wonders what slight he had committed that now marked Jinki’s skin.

Time passes slowly & he grasps at every moment & demands them whole.  The wound is cleansed from its base to the highest point, no mark of flesh left unattended.  Sitting back, he surveys his work & sighs that he cannot do more.

“Finished,” he declares, an effort to keep his voice light failing. 

Jinki’s head nods before him, the only response given to his words.  He nods as well, murmuring, “I’ll leave you to…”, forgetting to finish the thought as his feet touch the floor & carry him back into the main chamber.

Just outside the door he stops, shutting it behind him & then hastily stepping away.  Clothes he remembers; Jinki has none.  None that are as kind as he deserves.  A quick survey of his own wardrobe has him grasping at formless material, bursting into the bathing chamber again, a pair of jade silk pajama pants in his arms.  They nearly fall to the floor when Jinki looks up, hair dripping, & the towel only just finished wrapping around his waist. 

Their eyes meet & Taemin wonders how far is too far.

Another step would be too far, he thinks, holding out the clothing & watching Jinki take them with the hand not gripping the strip of cloth at his waist.  A nod that is mimicked marks his departure & then he is again in his room alone listening to Jinki’s movements.

~

Jinki looks at the garment in his hand & wonders how far is too far & where this road the prince is leading him on will end.  If it will end at all.  Perhaps it is nothing more than kindness.  Yet, if that were so, a healer would have been called for to tend his wounds; not the hands of the prince.  The towel falls to the floor & his wrinkled toes slip through the pants legs with ease.  Steps toward the door are slow & hesitant; he’s too anxious & sore to move swiftly.  He stands at the door & stares at the knob, wondering if he should open it himself or knock on it or wait until he’s called for.  Foolish, he decides, the knob warm & slightly damp in his palm as he twists it to the left, pulling it near, & stepping into uncertainty.

Taemin waits for him with bandages that Jinki knows he should not know how to find.  Too many times the prince has been wounded & Jinki had been the one to find the kit.  Perhaps, it occurs to him, he knew all the time.  Taemin beckons him to his bed where the supplies are laid out against a satin spread.  He is directed to sit & so he does, feeling the subtle dip as Taemin joins at his side & behind him.  Ointment that is a bit too cold dabs at the marks on his back & is covered by strips that the prince breaks with his own hands.  There’s a hesitation & Jinki knows what’s next but still his breath catches when the warmth of the prince’s arms wrap around his chest.  The gauze crosses over & up his back, over & over.  One, two, three, he counts.  Anything to distract him from the way Taemin’s breaths rush & recede against his shoulder.  Six, seven, eight…

~

Taemin leans back letting his palm brush against the bandage & hopes he has done well.  He believes he has.  Wounds have been tended to in such a manner before him in the past & to his untrained eye this looks right.

“How do you feel?” he asks nervously.

“Your highness?”

“The bandages,” he murmurs, “They’re not too tight?”

“No, your highness.  They are fine.” 

Taemin nods & wishes that more than the moonlight streamed through his windows.  Shadows hid so much.  The hand that last touched Jinki’s wound now touches his shoulder & gently turns him so that they face each other.  Jinki’s lips are his focus, the little breathes that blow in & out.  He watches until his own match evenly & then he looks up.

“Do not ever do that again,” he says, quietly, firmly. 

Jinki watches him, the briefest flicker between Taemin’s eyes & then his gaze steadies.

“No,” he replies, quietly, firmly. 

Taemin’s fingers curl into fists & he presses them against the bed.

“Your prince is ordering you to stop,” he demands.  A sigh is Jinki’s response, the response of a defeated man. 

The matter seems settled until he hears the whispered, “It is an order I cannot follow.”

“Jinki-”

“Your highness,” he cuts in quickly, “I have explained myself.  Please.” 

Taemin’s eyes flutter shut & his fists tighten, knuckles burning.

“You would give your body for me?”

“Yes.” 

The answer is quick, sure, & Taemin breathes in.

“What about me?”

“Your highness?” 

Taemin’s eyes open & he breathes out.

“Am I allowed to do the same?” 

Jinki watches him with a frown.  “I don’t-”

“What if I forced them to give me the punishments to save you?  Am I allowed that?” 

The frown melts & something sad slips into Jinki’s eyes.

“Your highness-”

“No, Jinki.  It’s not fair that only one of us should suffer for the other.  You would sacrifice your body for me?  I would sacrifice my life for you.  I would-” He stops, frozen, surprised to have revealed so much & even more so to discover that he doesn’t care.  Another breath & he pushes on, forcing his eyes to stay open because enough fear lingers to make him want to hide from Jinki’s gaze when he says, “I would die for the man I love.”

~

Jinki hears but he does not understand, too many words & not enough time to grasp at their meanings.  He does not believe until Taemin’s eyes close, open, & then move to his mouth.  Again, they rise to his eyes & yet he does not understand until Taemin leans forward.  Until his hands move to the space beside his cheeks.  Until they settle against his neck & jaw.  Until Taemin licks his lips & breathes out a ghost of a kiss.  He closes his eyes & waits, his own lips parted in anticipation & his chest beginning to ache at the thrum of his heartbeat.

Their noses brush & he sighs when the warmth of Taemin’s forehead touches his own.  Breaths mingle & break, air that is neutral & belongs to neither of them & yet is inherently theirs.  He gasps softly when he feels Taemin’s lips touch his own for the briefest of moments & then they're gone.  He keeps his eyes closed & inhales the warmth of Taemin’s breaths.

“Jinki?” 

The whisper of his name makes it hard to breathe.

“Your highness?” 

“My name, Jinki.  You’ve said it before.  When you were startled.” 

Jinki lets out a shaky breath.

“Yes.”

“Are you startled enough to say it again?”  Laughter bubbles up, eyes opening upon the sight of a hesitant smile on the prince’s face & the gleam of something akin to hope in his eyes.

“Yes.”  The smile on his own lips slowly fades, beat of his heart quickening & his eyes flicker to Taemin’s mouth & back again before he breathes out a soft, broken, “Taemin”.  There is only a moment’s hesitation & then the lips of the man he loves more than himself are on his own again.  Palms warm his cheeks & thin fingers tighten & release in his hair.  He grips the prince’s waist & moans at the taste of the other’s mouth.  They slip away, foreheads pressed together & Jinki smiles with closed eyes.

 “Have I overstepped my bounds?” the prince murmurs & Jinki chuckles in the dark.

“My body was always yours to command,” he whispers in reply.  Taemin leans back with a slight frown.

“I will not force you into anything, Jinki.”

“It would not be a force,” Jinki reassures him, fingertips brushing against the prince’s temple.  “Whatever you ask, I have already consented to.  My heart has long been yours, my body quick to follow.”  Taemin laughs ruefully & takes the palm attached the fingers, kissing it gently.

“Your body has endured enough.”

“My body still aches,” Jinki murmurs with a tease to his voice.   Taemin watches a moment before he climbs into the other’s lap, grabs at his hands & pulls them up to the small of his back.  “Hold me close,” he whispers, catching Jinki’s eye, “There is so much I want to do but with your wounds we can only go so far.  Tell me what you want, Jinki.  Tell me what to do.”

“Whatever pleases you.” 

Without a word, he is gone, lips making their way down Jinki’s chest, marking the skin unbound & taking liberties along the way.  A hiss & a sigh & the faintest of moans dance their way across Jinki’s lips & flutter through the air as the wings of a butterfly.  When Taemin reaches his navel, he understands where the path they’ve now stepped upon together is to take them.  He lifts his hips when Taemin’s fingers begin to tug at the band at his waist, his own curling through the other’s hair. 

They stay there, his fingers, loosening their hold but shifting beneath the strands all the same.  More & more his voice declares his delight: a hiss, a sigh, a moan.  Again & again, louder & louder though now a name escapes, bidden & desired, one he has spoken of in the dark to himself but never in the light to the man on his knees.  Taemin’s eyes open & close, disappearing & reappearing & Jinki watches in wonderment & wishes he could stay in that gaze forever.  Deft fingers & eager lips, a tongue that is warm & wet all set Jinki’s nerves alight.  Attempts are made to restrain himself, his voice kept low because there is doubt that this is not a dream & if so he’s not willing to risk breaking it.  A conclusion draws near & he groans into it, eyes closed in the dark. 

When Taemin returns to him, Jinki wonders aloud where else the prince is willing to lead him this night.

Taemin hums softly, “When you are better healed.”  The sorrow slips again into Taemin’s eyes & they follow as his fingertips trail gently down the bandages wound around Jinki’s chest.  “Those are my sins on your back, a series of sleepless nights brought about by my selfishness.  I defied my obligations so that I could spend more time with you.”  The sad eyes turn back up & the fingertips rest against Jinki’s thighs.  “I detest the minutes that we are apart, how they stretch on & on.  Time without you is time not worth living & I grabbed at every chance to keep you close even if it meant breaking the rules.”

“And I am glad,” Jinki whispers. 

Again, the sad eyes close & Taemin’s voice breaks as he asks, “How can you be glad?” 

Jinki chuckles as he covers Taemin’s hands with his own.

“Those memories are mine as well.  My life bettered for having spent them with you rather than spending those hours apart.”

“I have loved you for so long,” the prince whispers.

“And I you.”

Taemin’s lashes flutter as he looks back up & another kiss ghosts across Jinki’s lips.  Again, they touch only this time it is as men dying of thirst being brought to an oasis & finding life.  Taemin’s fingers move back up Jinki’s chest to his shoulders, tightening their hold even as he takes in Jinki’s breath.  Another gasp of air & their noses brush, Jinki chuckling at the sensation. 

The sadness in Taemin’s eyes slowly turns soft, a bit of joy now sparkling in his gaze. 

“Jinki?”

“Yes?”

“Stay here tonight.  Sleep with me in my bed.  I want to wake with you in the morning.”

“My absence will be noted,” Jinki points out. 

Warily, Taemin asks, “By whom?” 

Jinki looks away with a sigh, counting to three before he turns back with a mischievous grin & answers, “Kibum.” 

Laughter of relief & joy bubbles up & out through Taemin’s lips.  He leans in & kisses Jinki, holding their lips together as long as their bodies can bear it.  When they can no longer, he presses their foreheads together, breaths shaky & fingers moving to the back of Jinki’s neck.

“Then we are safe?”

“Yes.  We are safe.” 

Taemin nods & licks his lips, another shaky breath as he moves away from the edge of the bed, pulling Jinki deep into its shadows.  An arm rests on Jinki’s shoulder & his head rests on Taemin’s chest.  Another murmur of affection, another murmur of reciprocation, & when they fall asleep it is each with the man they love.

~

Kibum watches from the hallway, counting the hours until he is sure that Jinki will not be emerging from the prince’s room before dawn.  He hastens down the stairs & out the door, across the courtyard past guards who nod in his direction.  The steps to the door of his destination are taken in haste & he is nearly out of breath before his knuckles rap against the door.

It opens & he steps into the dimly lit room, only a single lamp burning at one end, the other blanketed in darkness.

“Is it done?”

“Yes, your highness,” he answers with a deep bow.

“Good.  Do they both understand now?”

“I believe so, your highness.”

“What happened, exactly?”

“The prince went to Jinki’s chamber alone.  They emerged quickly & hurried down the hall to the prince’s chamber.  They have not left since.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“I waited five hours, your highness.”

“Excellent.  So tomorrow, when the prince’s attendance is requested I should expect to see him at our table?”

“Yes, your highness.”  Kibum pauses, deciding.  Delicately, he inquires, “If it’s not too impertinent, your highness, may I ask how you knew?”

Eunsook smiles & reaches a hand toward the darkened end of the room.  A slim figure emerges from the shadow & takes it, lacing their fingers with hers & resting their head on her shoulder, their waterfall of ebony hair blending with her own pouring smoothly over a dove gray robe.

“I know what it is like to be in love.”  A smile graces her lips as she turns to the woman beside her, closing her eyes as she rests her head briefly against the other’s.  Kibum bows again before he begins to leave, glancing back one last time as he closes the door.


End file.
